Thursday, September 17, 2015

Shut Up and Row the Boat Until 20

Hey Guys!!!!

How are you? Today, I would like to talk about kids from the perspective of a mother or let me say parents. I met a mother who was taken to the police station because she asked her daughter to clean her room. Just Imagine!!!!!!

In India, there is one famous saying coming out from 99% of the elders "Children, we too once rowed the same boat." Yes, its really true, the meaning of the saying is, every parent was once a child. They know each and every stage of life, the difficulties passed, the joys of life, the decisions made, mistakes faced, etc...etc.... and reached the prime of life - now. So, they can say it without doubt, they have indeed rowed the boat.

But, have you wondered, why these guys including me, get agitated, when the kids make mistakes?

I will say a story, which happened in my life, when I was young, just for an example and the difference between a child and a parent.

Years back we had a tape recorder, but during those times, the power plug was one in each room. So this tape recorder held the pride of place at night in our bedroom, but unfortunately, the power plug in our bedroom was faulty. So, my dad connected two wires and connected to the plug from the next room.

After prayer and dinner, we were in the bedroom hearing music, when it suddenly stopped. So I jumped out of the bed and went to rectify the problem by connecting the joint firmly and I got electrocuted, to be frank, my first experience of electric shock and I immediately put it down, and without speaking I returned to bed. Seeing my failure, immediately my brother, a very smart boy came and got electrocuted, he too did the same as me, but I knew he too got my experience, since I was watching him. Anyway, my dad, came and connected it and he too got electrocuted and he said it loudly, that it has shock and warned us to not handle the wire again. Note the difference in the above incident? Children, do not say openly the mistakes, but elders do, thus avoiding others to not get hurt.

That time, I didn't feel anything except for feeling safe because I knew how it feels getting an electric shock, but if I had not known that experience, then I know, how I would react. Want to guess, what it would be?

I will anyway word it for you, your thought and reaction.

"Why not, why can't we work with electric plugs and wires? We are old enough to know and decide what is good. Isn't it?"

Remember, the Elders speak, because they have First Hand Experience of it...

Now, the most important phase of anyones life is during the teen age 13-19 yrs. This girl is 17 years. The peak time to feel the unfairness of life. Its really a very crucial time of human life. You might wonder why so. 

The only time to fall in and out of love within a blink of an eye. And especially falling in love part. 

Remember, Its not only you, who have had this experience - Falling in Love, its been there from the beginning of humanity. The parents, grand parents and everyone, who glower at you  when you are in love. 

But to fall in love is an experience,  Its simply wonderful, Its like we are in heaven, nobody can hurt us, In Bible we have heard the saying, "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also." Luke 6:29. This happens, when we are in love, nobody can hurt us, nobody can anger us, no grudge can be kept within the soul. 

Now you know why, in all the Holy Books, "Love" has so much prominence.

I would want everyone to have that experience, but unfortunately, there is a big mistake everyone make when falling in love. The first thought that comes to mind is, "This is life, I have met my soul mate, I have reached my destination, I have found what I was searching for. Now, I do not want to be separated from my loved one. So, we are ready to let go off all our ambitions and inhibitions without any conditions" It is like giving a blank signed cheque to our first love. That is when elders interfere, saying, you are wrong and then starts a living hell - A nightmare.

Love is a smoke screen. It will blanket the basic truths from our sight, but it will lift, when we use the freedom, just like we had with our parents and family. He or she is a new person attached to us within a moment's notice. They do not know our likes, dislikes our weakness or strengths, they behave as they do in their family and you behave as you did in yours and it clashes, that is when your love would start getting the first bite. That should not happen, the biting part, that is what the elders want to make you understand, which sometimes would not be refined to your taste.

Remember " The Rowing Boat " when in Love  . Remember the elders are right, and do not open your mouth to talk against them, their advice. Do not think or decide until you complete 19 and start 20. When you reach 20 and still feel the same, then go ahead, the chances are surviving are more without biting dust of crap love.

Do you want my experience? I decided at 24 and still I did bite dust. That is Life, and I am happy because, it was my decision and live with it.

Now back to life until 20. Focus on Three Things:- 

1. Your family:- be open with them with your feelings because they know, the symptoms as I am explaining to you, they can give the right direction. In the end, only they will be there for you whether you have accepted or gone against them.

2. Your Studies :- Only then, you can stand on your own two feet instead of none when you cross 20 - Job is a necessity, no matter how rich your family is, only education can bring food on your table and strength to your confidence. Its a back up till you reach your grave, with or without family's support.

3. Pray to God :- Have faith in God. Remember, you might have big big plans, but there is one thing we do not have control - our life. But God has.

So, returning back to the daughter who dragged her mother to the police station, its not the daughter's fault or her mother's, its the fault of her age because, the policeman told, secretly to the mother, "Sister, we have seen worst cases than this one, even though we know, she is in the wrong, just take a different route to make your child obey you, than saying it bluntly."

 That is what is missing from the elders and parents alike, including me - refining truth. You know, after going through all the experiences first hand from day one of life, one tend to forget refinement. Its better to be open and finish it off than cloaking and pampering the sensibilities of the young adolescents. But know one thing, refined or unrefined, truth is the same. So do not react against elders for saying the truth and once again I say, just shut up until 20.

Just look back, when you were toddlers, you didn't have a care. When you were in kindergarten, it was the same and your childhood, - it was liberating, not a care, sleep, eat, play and study. But when you stepped to become 13, the life started to feel unfair. How come, one fine day, you get to feel life unfair, when until 13, it was fine? Don't you think it weird? Same father, same mother, same family, their big mouth and same circumstance, then how come one fine morning, it became different?

Its because you changed, the changed happened within you. Its in your body, extra hormones started being produced within you. That you should know. You should be aware of it. It is natural, but  that change should be lived very carefully because, this is the time, when you make decisions - rash or wise or whatever. 

Again, I would recommend,  don't make any decisions until you turn 20, wise or otherwise because you have not lived your life, to forecast the result of your decisions. But when you reap the result, it would be too late to make any changes. So, once more, Let God and parents or elders do it for you and Shut up until 20.

Life is to be lived, loved, obeyed along with the one single important duty - studies, until 20. 

So, once again I say, If you can shut your mouth until 20. Then you have a better chance to row the boat of life without much hazards. Anyway, I know what you teens are thinking... 

"Why Can't I ......?"

Well, as for the daughter of the mother, she hates her mother, stopped her studying and sits simply and watches television from dawn to dusk... I do not know, whether its a sad thing because we elders would sigh and shake our heads and say...

"Experience is the Best Teacher." 

Open your Mouth, Decide, Live and Welcome to the Rowing Club. Because I too am in it.

Best of luck Guys!!!


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