Friday, April 1, 2011

My First Love Letter - Part 3



                    God, just imagine the immaturity of a 16 year old. When I think about it now, I feel so stupid. The children of today are more mature than my generation. But I was happy because I at least heard that I received a letter. But my dad was serious, he asked the warden, “Then I would like to see that.” “Sorry, I didn’t expect you’d come, so I burnt it because it was very vulgar.” I could feel him controlling his anger. He said, “Well, now I know, my child is a normal girl.” The sister went beet red. Even I too was stunned by my dad’s response but at least he was sane in his behaviour, but my mother was so angry with Thomas that she asked the warden not to send me alone home. Someone will arrive to take me during holidays. Hearing this sister’s ego was settled but my trouble had just started. No one knew that there was a curfew for me. My parents left, but before departure, my dad took me by his side and putting a hand on my shoulder said, you have entered into a world of trouble my dear. This is life. But don’t let this incident affect your studies. (smilingly) Anyway I’m happy you have started getting love letters and he is surely good in advising, just like your mother. I think we’ll have to give him a class on how to write love letters, smilingly I replied, “Dad, he hasn’t told me anything about love, so don’t bother. We’ll just close this chapter here.”
          But destiny had other ideas. No one came to take me home. I was totally alone with the hostel warden for my study leave, in a building that accommodates 250 students. I really hated Thomas, that warden, my mother, everybody in the whole world. I cried and cried for one month. I didn’t study anything. The warden felt very sad. Her own lie backfired. Usually, all the workers go for holidays, but just because I was left back, they had to stay for me. My parents were far away. They couldn’t come to take me  and  no one understood my grief.
          I wrote to Thomas, if you had not written such brotherly letters at least I would have had the freedom to be anywhere. You denied it and from now onwards don’t write to me. I know what you are going to write. He wrote thrice. I didn’t reply and my exams were finished and I left the state but my mom had this feeling that I’m secretly having a contact with Thomas. She burnt all the letters I got for the past two years. She wanted to make sure that she destroyed his address. But whatever happened it was imprinted in my heart. It’s my first address of love. No one can take it out of me. So whenever I sit simply my mother would get irritated and would scold me saying I’m dreaming of him, but in fact I knew the fact that Thomas is not in love with me and I didn’t want to continue this relationship. I told her, “Mom, please don’t remind these things. It’s a closed chapter and we are not going to see him again and I do not want to think about anything. Please just leave me alone(with tears).” But you know, moth.....ers, especially Indian mothers. They cannot be pacified easily. They don’t believe anything. I had a real hard time in tolerating my family and my brother, one hell of a jerk he was. He always sided with mother and they really made my life a living hell. But that is what my dad said, “You are in big trouble child.” How true, if there really was a “LOVE” letter, then it was O.K. But for this.
          My life had lost the lustre, the ambition to live. I got enrolled in college. After four years, I return to my dad’s place to meet my friend’s dad, he was sick and dying. He wanted to see me. And there I accidentally met Thomas. Still I felt the same, the happy feeling but now I was a very different person, I didn’t show it. I just smiled but he was genuinely happy, he talked and talked but I just replied and he introduced me to his friends, an advocate and a DySp and they too talked but that was all. I left. And a week later.....
           
                    Just stay happy until tomorrow. Bye for now.
Meena    

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